December 11, 2005

 

Dear Friends and Families,

 

Five years ago today, my brother Mike and his friends Keith, Avely, and Jason, left our world and all of us behind.  And since that time, relative strangers have gotten to know one another just through the connections of our sons, brothers, fathers, and husbands.  Our lives would probably have not touched one another had our men not lost their lives.

 

These last five years have been a roller coaster of emotion for, not only me, but for my family, friends, and all of you.  We have had to learn how to deal with the shocking and sudden death of a loved one, and we've had to learn how to survive and go forward.  Some of us do this better than others.

 

While five years doesn't seem like a long time in the scope of life, this is what has happened in these last five years:

 

Mike's kids, then 7 and 12, are now 12 and 17.  They are totally different kids now than they were on December 10, 2000, when they were trimming the Christmas Tree with their dad.  My husband and I adopted a another daughter since then.  She was only 33 days old on December 11, 2000, and she is now 5.  She will never know her "Uncle Mike" except through stories and pictures.  My two other daughters, now 9 and 7, were only 4 and 2 when Mike left us.  They too, only remember Uncle Mike through stories, pictures, and reminders when helicopters fly over our home.

 

The World Trade Center and the Pentagon were bombed, and our whole world around us changed.  In the middle of grieving for our loved ones, we had ourselves to grieve for as well.

 

We entered wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and every time a helicopter crashes, we all remember our own helicopter crashing.

 

However, through it all, we remember our sons, fathers, brothers, and husbands and love them all the more for their memories.  Our lives move on because they have to.  Wives get remarried, new babies are born, children grow up.  We try to answer questions that we never thought we'd have to:  How many children do you have?  How many brothers and sisters do you have?  What happened to your Dad?  Lots of questions.  And we have to decide how to answer them.  I have one brother (or is it two?).  I have four children (or is it three?).  We make choices and go forth.  We are still able to laugh and have fun.  But, it still comes back to December 11 every year.

 

I'm sure the time leading up to the anniversary for most all involved just plain (as my father says) sucks.  But we get through it and reminisce the what-might-have-beens and the what-has-happened.

 

And sometimes the five years very long years can feel very short, as in “can it really be five years already” as you shake your head?

 

Today I received an e-mail from a young man -- had to be a friend of my nephew.  He wrote to tell me that he came across my website last night about Michael (www.legal-eaze.com/index_files/Page500.htm).  He wrote that Mike was his baseball coach when he was in 4th grade, and how he remembered that Mike always talked about perseverance.  He let me know how Mike had such a profound effect on him and that he will proudly fly his flag today in his memory.  This young man is now 17 years old.  What a great kid!

 

So, as I remember my baby brother today, I wish all of you a peaceful day.  Take the time to remember the good times and not focus so much on the bad.  I especially want to give each of the moms/dads of Mike, Keith, Avely, and Jason a big hug because I believe you need it more than the rest of us.

 

Love,

Patti

Murf's Sister

“The Few, The Proud, With Wings”

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Revised 12/11/05